Daniel Malik

Dear occupants, How does a man, the proverbial poster child of "a face for radio," with a knack for story-telling, expansive imagination, keen wit, and an uncompromising stance on defining what it means to live, handle his impending death? If you are Dan, you flick your half-smoked Winston Red Short cigarette butt squarely into the face of any so-called "death pre-planning" BS and depart this world on a Wednesday (who dies on a Wednesday, anyway) without ever considering writing his own obituary. In 1984, a subjectively great man once pretended to say, "...an ordinary person spends his life avoiding tense situations ...a repo man spends his life getting into tense situations." Daniel Steven Malik, who certainly was not a repo man - although he drove like one - chose to do this very thing throughout his life. Ultimately, on, yes, Wednesday, July 19, 2023, after a valiant and courageous hand-to-hand battle against cancer with his equally brave wife, TC, by his side, the SpongeBob t-shirt-wearing Dan shuffled off this mortal coil with a full tank of gas, a half a pack of cigarettes, and bunny ears firmly in place. Daniel first graced the world with his presence on an otherwise unspectacularly chilly day on January 18, 1966, in tropical Cleveland, Ohio, to Raymond "Cap" and Joan "Mumsey" Malik. His older siblings Linda and Ray almost spontaneously began laying a path to stall, for as long as possible, Dan's eventual overthrow of the Malik kingdom, which, as anyone who has met him knows, would lead to him becoming Master of the Universe. Like many of the original Generation X offspring, Daniel grew up in a tough world where, instead of becoming a stereotypical slacker, all cynical and disaffected, he developed an exceptional work ethic and a life-long dedication to serving others. He spent his formative teenage years as a not-so-typical product of the 80s, sitting on the hood of his Plymouth Satellite and consuming vast quantities of warm Coca-Cola in a shopping mall parking lot while listening to the Clash, Adam and the Ants, and The Cure - but not Journey. Absolutely. Not. Journey. He relished and embraced the music of the counterculture that defined that decade and, depending on who you ask, grasped it into his hands, reshaped it, and regurgitated it for all future occupants to enjoy on various retro cable shows - unbeknownst to all. However, the consumption of warm soda did not catch on with the masses as was desired. While in high school at The King's Academy, Daniel substantially increased his influence over people by taking on speaking roles during the school choir's spring musical shows. His skills at speaking forward and backward simultaneously during the 1983 production of Let There Be Light are a case study of how to subconsciously distract teachers from seeing what was really happening in the basement of Barton Road Church. He was an exceptionally skilled cymbalist and exponentially better as a trianglist in the school band with no name. Years later, he would invoke the tremendous power of this group of relatively unskilled, non-union musicians by simply saying to people he would pass in random queues, "It's ok, I'm with the band." He was also a founding member of the infamous school gang, The Nobodys, whose battles with the almost infamous Pharaohs are only discussed in hushed tones in dark alleys during a vernal equinox. Dan was the only Malik to have ever attended the academy in the past, present, or future. Despite the protests of the school's administration and fellow Nobodys, Dan insisted on graduating in 1984, as the prophets foretold. A year later, he left his cushy gig providing nourishing sustenance to the masses at Western Sizzler and enlisted in the United States Air Force. Dan was unspectacularly stationed in Las Vegas, Nevada, where he manipulated top brass into further developing his leadership skills while covertly taking control of the skies. During this time, he married Kim, and they started a family with their two boys: Nick in 1986, followed by Logan in 1990. They returned to northeast Ohio, and after a brief stint working with the regular folk in a steel factory, Dan, who mysteriously took on an uncanny resemblance to Homer, returned to serving the people by becoming a dispatcher with Lorain County 911. He gave and received equally until nothing more could be accomplished. He then decided to reenlist in the United States Army, where he began molding the minds of many young soldiers in all the ways of being nobody until it was time to retire in 2015, thus ending his lifelong pursuit of serving the public. He did find time, however, to expand his family before finally enjoying the fruits of his labor as Overlord, first with the birth of Terrence in 2007 and then by meeting and falling in love with TC in 2018. They married in the spring of 2022. To better comprehend Daniel's universe, picture him starting each day standing in front of a mirror, quoting Steve Martin, "I'm a fish of the sky, A bird of the sea, Blue is to fish as sky is to me." Daniel was preceded in death by his parents. He is survived by his wife TC (Pio), his three children, his brother and sister, his brother-in-law/nemesis John Shaffer, pets (Zatara, Girl Dog, Chubby Bunny, Trixie, Basil, Fred, and George), nephews and nieces Andy, Charles (Aubrey) Benjamin, Erik and Beatrice Breidinger, Amber (Justin) Rice, and Zachary (Kate) and Jordan (Amarah) Malik, as well as the cousins, other assorted family, and many caring friends, all who adored him more than mere words could ever be written. Daniel requested he become one with everything and spends eternity among all his people - the occupants, so his ashes will be dispersed per these wishes. A service will be held at Killeen Veterans Cemetery in Killeen, Texas, at a later date. If you feel so inclined to do some good in the world in his name, please donate to your local hospice. Arrangements are under the care of Heritage Funeral Home, Lampasas.

Daniel Malik

January 18, 1966 - July 19, 2023